Wednesday, September 01, 2004

Soul Mates.

Written with a tear.

Big decisions were made today. Tiff and i have been what you may call on the rocks. Surly her and i have dated for quite some time, had our ups and downs. Problems that normal relationships face, and some problems that nprmal relationships should not face. Cheating on my part was perhaps a large scale blow to the relationship. Many problems i think i could trace back to that. But i decided that time would be a good thing, thats all, not other people or anything of that nature. Simply time. To think , relax and get my shit back in order, wipe the slate clean.

Though it is hard to let go of something so special, but if it is for the benefit of the both of us then it only seems logical. One thing that must be understod is that it is for the hope of things working out for the better. Its hard to date someone who isnt happy with you or themselves. Beacuse no matter how happy you are with that person it isnt much fun if they arent happy. Its almost like something was eating at tm. Perhaps it was our rocky past of drama and things that we have done to eachother. Which brings me back to why time may clear the slate, perhaps not, one thing that needs to happen is that things must be forgiven and forgotten. Live life one day at a time and enjoy things. This isnt whats been happening. The only one i blame for shit is myself, things have happenend and cant be easily fixed.

School is starting and im sure that it will occupy a few hours of my time. Working out and getting in shape will be fun.

However i will miss 99% of the times with tm, the good old day to day things, the things that you take for granted. Like lunches, hangin out, movies, just doing nothing at all. An emptyness has sort of set over me and tears flood the eyes just thinking about it. Its hard to tell the one thing in life that matters most that you cant help but take some time apart. I fear the future without her, yet look forward to the future if all works out as planned.

Life has been turned upside down the last few months. Havent had a good day that i can rember in a while. I start to think that i have made a mistake and that things can be worked out without a break. I need her the most during times like these, the crazy times in this house. I feel like shit all the time and dont know why, yet no one knows, beacuse i fail to say anything and hide it so well. yet almost every hour of the day i smile and pretend all is well yet it hasnt been in so long.

Take it for what it is...

This for example is only a notepad in which i randomly jot shit down that is on my mind. Ramdom thoughts and my views on things that are happening in my life. I post prob about twice a day, sometimes more.

Just beacuse its written down doesnt mean that is 100% accurate. Take it for what it is....

Time off

Time away from someone is sometimes that answer to problems that seemingly have no other solution. For others more time is the solution.

Friends will always be friends.

Little Direction, and the why's

The whys and the how comes in life can perhaps leave us in our shoes wondering where to put down the next step. Then after we do its seems that we wonder all day about the last big step we took. Ever wonder where we are going and if you think you know where you are going how your geting there? All the things that we are sure we must do to get us to where we must go, but that for some reason or another doesnt always work.
People seem to be able to deal with alot of things and get over them seemingly fast. Or do They? Take a girlfriend or family member for example, people break up all the time and and seem to move along and never be phased by it for the remainder of the time it takes for everone to forget about it. Same goes for soemthing like the death of a loved one.
But how will you personally ever know what it is like to know how that feels, unless you think that you would beacuse your situation may be similar. But there are so many variables that it would be impossible for you to know just about anything less thamn a guess.
When im asked the good old "What do you think i should do man?" My new answer is going to be " How the fuck should i know"

1st of many im sure.

Its always good to get shit out.

Life has been rough the past few months. Ups and Downs, more downs than ups. You name it, friends, family, school, work, etc.

Havent been myself lately and have found some things more diffacult to deal with.

This is a new journal, less personal then the one no one see's. No one will really see this, so if you do, feel special.